Tips, Videos, Handouts

Morality as agreed

Good Group Tips

In principle, if group members have not agreed to a particular morality or set of values, it is not okay to expect or impose that particular morality or set of values. People become uncomfortable when it feels like a specific moral code is being imposed without permission. Imposing morality creates enemies.

On the other hand, if your group has a moral code it is right to honor it. Speaking a certain morality without acting on it also creates enemies.

Practical Tip: Do not impose unwelcome morality. Act out agreed morality. Work to change group morality using agreed group processes.

For example, if a neighborhood association’s stated purpose and other governing documents say nothing of environmental values, group members should not impose environmental values as if they were group values. It is not okay to suggest that someone is being “anti-group” if they are being “anti-environment.” If you would like environmental values to become group values then work for that within the rules. Request discussion about it. Make a proposal. Practice environmental values in your own yard and in all ways that are not contrary to group decisions. But in the absence of stated group morality, it is not okay to behave as if such morality is shared by the group as a whole.

– Craig Freshley

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Hot hand

Good Group Tips

In principle, we each have our gifts. Some people are better at some things than others and we all have our good days and bad days. I know of a basketball coach who encourages his team to shoot around before every game and figure out who has the “hot hand”, who seems to be particularly gifted that day. Get the ball into the hands of that person, he encourages.

Practical Tip: For any given task on any given day, figure out who is most suited to lead. It could be anyone. If you are not the most able or not top-performing for whatever reasons, support someone who is.

Members of high-functioning groups are flexible and give the ball to whoever is most likely to succeed in the moment, regardless of prior established titles, positions, or plans.

– Craig Freshley

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Put the Tips in action for your group. Click here to learn about Craig’s Keynotes and Seminars.

Contain disagreement

Good Group Tips

In principle, when I disagree with someone’s particular idea or action it does not mean I have to disagree with them about everything. Using disagreement from one battle as ammunition for another battle works well if you want to perpetuate fighting. If you want to perpetuate peace, it works well to contain disagreement to the particular issue at hand. Peacemakers know how to respectfully disagree about one thing and at the same time work well together on another thing.

Practical Tip: Enter every discussion as a new discussion with a positive outlook and an open mind about your fellows, regardless of past or other present disagreements. Don’t hold grudges, seek revenge, or use a person’s stance on one issue as a weapon against them on another issue.

Just because I think your idea is wrong or your behavior is inappropriate does not mean I think you are a bad person; it just means that I disagree with that particular idea or behavior, that’s all. I am always willing to work with you, with an open mind and a positive attitude, to make the best decisions for our group.

– Craig Freshley

Click here for one-page PDF of this Tip, a great way to print or share.

Put the Tips in action for your group. Click here to learn about Craig’s Keynotes and Seminars.