Just because it’s a bad outcome doesn’t mean I did something wrong. Craig explains in this short, spontaneous video on the street.
This video has captions. To see them, click CC on the video screen.
Here’s what Craig says in the video
Hey everybody! Hi. It’s Craig Freshley here.
I was just in a meeting and a lady told a story. Somebody asked her a question – looking back on her life – and her first response was, “I don’t know where I went wrong.” Her first response was to feel bad about the way things had turned out and particularly bad about her own actions and the things she had done wrong. And she couldn’t figure it out. But then she had a second reaction and the second reaction was, “Maybe I didn’t do anything wrong.”
You know, stuff just happens. Outcomes are not entirely my responsibility there are many many different things that contribute to a particular outcome. And it’s not always healthy to think that a bad outcome is because of something that I did wrong.
Now there are people who are always thinking, “I didn’t do anything wrong;” who are frankly in denial about their part of things. This video is not for those people. My message today is for the people who tend to think that they did do things wrong and that every bad outcome is in part because of something that they did.
Give yourself a break. Realize that, “I am not responsible for every bad outcome.” Sometimes things just happen.
We can get so caught up in our heads in assessing both credit and blame and if we can release ourselves from the burden of having to evaluate credit and blame in every situation and simply go to the next situation, it can be really freeing for me and for my group.
Thanks for listening everybody. I hope this helps you help your group make good decisions.
In principle, to make good group decisions we need to hear all perspectives. We need be able to openly disagree with respect and civility. We need to have the courage to speak what’s on our minds and hearts even in the face of opposition. When a group’s culture makes it not okay to voice certain views or when participants feel intimidated about sharing, those suppressed viewpoints don’t go away; they just fester and turn into conflict later.
Practical Tip: Help create a group culture that encourages open sharing of all points of view. Offer encouragement and support to those who express minority opinions, even if you disagree. Stand tall and speak your own truth, and be genuinely open to considering other truths.
Expressing our differing opinions gives us a chance to understand each other better, talk, and inch toward eventual resolution. When views are suppressed it might appear orderly in the short run, but inches us toward eventual conflict.
In principle, we each have a personality type, hardwired into us, not likely to change. There are many methods of assessing personality types, Myers-Briggs the most popular among them. Most assessments consist of a written test that reveals one’s basic type. Categorizing people into basic types has been going on since 400 B.C. Hippocrates called them the four temperaments. In medieval times they were called the four humors.
With a certain personality type come certain personality traits. Our type has to do with how we learn, how we act, how we perceive others and the world, and how some abilities come naturally to us and some don’t.
Practical Tip: To help make good group decisions, I keep in mind that people are different, not everyone is good at everything, and that others see things differently than me, instinctively. When someone doesn’t do something the way I would do it, I figure it’s not his intention to be difficult, he’s just different.
That people are different from me is never their fault. Actually, it’s their gift. I try to embrace and build on the gifts of others, and my own.
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