Tips, Videos, Handouts

Lose now, win later

Good Group Tips

In principle, more important than winning any particular decision is the health of the relationships that we carry into the next decision. Is it worth it to jeopardize a long-term relationship in order to win a short-term decision? Maybe, but not likely.

Further, a group member holding out for a win may block the group’s forward progress and perpetuate conflict. They are sure that they are right and that the group is wrong. Is an individual win more important than group peace? Sometimes, but not often.

The good thing about losing is that it often allows one to move on, let go of the battle. Compared to being stuck in conflict, losing and moving on can be very beneficial.

Practical Tip: Be thoughtful about when to fight and when to accept. Stand tall enough to see beyond the immediate conflict. Is it more important that I win now or that we win over the long run?

– Craig Freshley

Click here for one-page PDF of this Tip, a great way to print or share.

Put the Tips in action for your group. Click here to learn about Craig’s Keynotes and Seminars.

Bring you

Want to help your group? Work on yourself. Figure out who you are and what you stand for. Bring THAT to your group. When we bring false personas or fake aspirations we just mess things up and cause inefficiency. In this video Craig tells the story of Zushya, and the question that he fears God will ask him.

Thanks for holding the camera, Chris!

This video has captions. To see them, click CC on the video screen.

Here’s what Craig says in the video

Hi everybody! Hey it’s Craig Freshley here. Today I’m in North Station, Boston.

You know that a lot of my tips are actually about individual attitudes and individual behaviors, because it’s individuals that add up to good group decisions.

Today, the story of Zushya, the Rabbi Master who was sad and worried on his deathbed.

His followers asked, “Why are you so worried?” and he said, “I have finally figured out the question that the Creator is going to ask me.”

“What’s the question?” they said.

“He is not going to ask me, ‘Zushya, why weren’t you a Moses who led your people into freedom?’ He’s not going to ask me ‘Zushya, why weren’t you a Joshua who led your people to the Promised Land?’ He’s going to ask me, ‘Why weren’t you Zushya?'”

The idea is that we have to be ourselves. That is the calling to greatness and if you really want to help your group, don’t bring the person that you think is going to get into heaven. Don’t bring the persona that you think your group members want. Just bring you.

I hope this helps you help your group make good decisions.

Thanks a lot everybody.

Put the Tips in action for your group. Click here to learn about Craig’s Keynotes and Seminars.

Stories

Good Group Tips

In principle, all stories are true and some of them really happened. Stories are kernels of truth passed on in colorful ways that help us understand the truths they contain. Most of us relate to stories much better than we relate to facts and figures. It’s not so important that a story really happened but how is the story like my story, like our story? What truth does the story contain about human experience, about our nature?

Practical Tip: Make time in your group for story telling — within meetings, before and after meetings, while sharing food. Read and hear stories of other like groups, other like people. Pass on stories that ring true for you.

It is by telling and hearing stories that we come to understanding. It is by understanding that we come to good group decisions.

PS: Like most principles among these pages, I didn’t make this one up. I heard it somewhere, added a little color, and passed it on.

– Craig Freshley

Click here for one-page PDF of this Tip, a great way to print or share.

Put the Tips in action for your group. Click here to learn about Craig’s Keynotes and Seminars.
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